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Whenever i take a step forward there’s always a thing push me to turn back and i cant go on, defeated, and powerless, wtf’in life it is.

ketika aku mulai lelah terkadang berharap aku ngga pernah dilahirkan, bad childhood and getting worse as i am getting older, fiuh mungkin terlalu banyak dosa yang aku bawa ke dunia so now i need to pay em with pain, tears and sorry.

Now i am restructuring my long way road to the dream i’ve been dreaming of with spirit that up and down, flyway and degraded uh GOD I am so so so tired.

Some says

Pain, fail and tears are the essences of life as guidances from the beyond

but i am too weak and too blind to see it.

Desperados

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3

I am waiting my turn or i face em already? next …

Bagiku engkau seperti silinder kaca
mengurai sinar mentari menjadi berjuta warna

Bagiku engkau adalah titik embun malam
membiaskan sinar bulan menjadi pelangi dalam gelap

Bagiku engkau adalah jejak langkah
untuk semua mimpi dan kenangan indah

Bagiku engkau seperti cahaya
beri aku terang ketika yang lain padam

Meski pernah sekali kau menjadi luka
tenggelamkan aku dalam sepi tanpa warna, tanpa makna

Tapi engkau tetaplah kupu-kupu indahku
di masa lalu, masa kini dan waktuku nanti

Untukmu, Ruby & Joe

Buat Tuhan di surga,

Tonight i am laying down in Your way asking the same simple thing, cukup lama sejak terakhir kali aku meminta hal yang sama dari Mu, since You seem forsaken me alone in the dark, Kau biarkan tujuan hidupku keluar dari jalanku, Kau biarkan aku membuat kesalahan yang ku sesali dengan air mata dan mungkin akan kusesali dengan hidupku, i am half dead, You knew it but seems You no longer care.

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When it comes in mind (again) and hurt inside down, speechless, powerless, no choices but tearing, am i think about it too much? i did not want to, it just like that, comes and goes, forgive me.

I am Powerless, bee!